Its been a couple weeks.

I hope you didn't miss me too much. I felt the inexplicable pain of separation from your gaze, so here I am, begging for more. What? I can't say that I have been all that particularly busy in the past couple weeks, but sometimes one thing leads to another and I haven't been posting. Oh well. So on my lovely day off, I'm comin' at you live from good ol' Japan. For how long, who knows? I can update any readers interested in my current arrangements in: the next paragraph!

Big news! I'm certifiably eligible! What the hell does that mean? Basically its just the first step of many that is very important when applying for a visa. Since mine is a student visa there needed to be collaboration with the school and other parties involved. Now that I have that fancy piece of bureaucratic wastepaper, I am all set to go talk with the immigration folk, which will hopefully set up my move, applying for the visa itself. Now this is tricky, because I am already somewhat of a legal alien here, and I'm applying to upgrade my status from inside the county. Whether or not that will be possible at all is unclear to me, hence my looking forward to a meeting with the staff at the immigration office. I see there being three possible outcomes for me, I'll list them from most favorable to least in terms of future careers and current financial/personal effect: 1. Everything goes better than expected. In other words, I stay here, get my visa, study, work, play, and live. 2. I gotta go home to apply for the visa. This is good news too, I'd get a chance to see all you American friends one more time before I'm off to Japan for who knows how long. 3. They decide that I'm a worthless sack of human goop and ship my ass back to America. I am not sure why they would do that, since I'm already eligible, but I have heard of stranger things happening here in Japan.

So that's where I'm at, kinda stressful to be honest. Classes are supposed to start in less than a month, so within the next couple weeks I could be back stateside for an unknown amount of time. Don't hold your breath though. I feel as if I have sunken to the level of presidential campaign promises in terms of my reliability, at least on this matter for sure.

What is on the menu today? I have something that I wrote not too long ago. That time I was inundated with inspiration, and in my struggle to comprehend complete human interaction I popped out this little diddle. I hope you enjoy it, its all about you.

I hope there is still room in there for me

What I have is unwavering, creative and unconditional

I inundate others too easily with my passion

Resulting struggles led me to attempt to trickle

My inexperience is obvious, I under-apply or over-correct

but I haven't given up, perfection always takes time

what is right and good is always resisted by nature

if only to prove to yourself that you want it

desires receive little patience in my mind

abandoned for the sake of sanity or purity

all that comes from this is irony, for I am neither

the more this realization becomes apparent

the more I realize that I want to be with you

This seems to me to be self explanatory, but I wrote it, so what I really think is not only clouded by my own hindsight, but also, as every high school English teacher will tell you, its not about what the author actually means, but about as many different meanings you can get out of it as possible. 

Anyways, check out my other posts, I'll be adding more soon.

Videos, you love to watch them, I know you do

That's right folks, here they are, some videos for you. First, two of my favorite videos from the web. They are part of a video series from "What the Bleep Do We Know?" which talks in depth about quantum theory. Of course its a few years old, and full of a lot of spiritual speculation, however I enjoyed watching it thoroughly, and this cartoony super hero scientist man is really entertaining. The concepts he talks about are not easy to grasp, but its explained in such a way that just about anyone can get it.

This first one shows what its like for someone looking "down" at us from a different dimension, but it puts it in the most logical way possible for us to relate. So we take on the view of a three dimensional being, observing a 2 dimensional world. Watch the video, its pretty self explanatory.

Imagine someone coming to your doorstep and pulling you from everything you thought was true and significant and then realizing that there is so much more that is equally, if not more significant, because its not held down by location or time. If only it were as simple as it sounds. 

Next up is some basic quantum physics stuff. No big deal really, but the last part of the video is my favorite. I even explained these concepts to a younger friend of mine not too long ago, using the same ideas he shares, and she seemed to understand, even though math isn't her strong point.I even explained these concepts to a younger friend of mine not too long ago, using the same ideas he shares, and she seemed to understand, even though math isn't her strong point.

Conscious thought and observation play a much bigger role in the world than most of us realize. I said earlier I'd tie some points back to what I had said about new year resolutions. Well this is it, part of it at least. Perception is a key driving force in the world. We can change our perceptions to see the world in a different light, and so it will become that.

Next up is an amazing video of young Japanese schoolchildren. No its not creepy or perverted, unfortunately, but these kids understand more about life and how to make it work than 95% (don't quote me on that percentage) of Americans. Its sad really that they have such a complex knowledge of the world and how it can affect us, but also how we can support each other and rely on our strength to make it better. For those who are tear-bags, you may want to grab a box of tissues.

Kawaii! That's just part 1. I haven't gotten a chance to see the rest of them yet, but I encourage you all to check them out. Also did you notice the date the narrator mentioned? That was almost 10 years ago, these students have all graduated high school now. I will investigate to see if I can find what they are doing with their lives nowadays. Maybe even try to find them while I'm here!

Last one then I'm done for the night. Up 'til 6am is not going to help me be productive tomorrow. This one is about feminism. I have no idea if this lady knows what she is talking about, or if she is just playing intelligent psychologist, but her arguments are logical enough. This video is kinda long so maybe grab some popcorn and relax a bit. Also, not quite the tear-jerker the other one was.

An interesting look at how evolution has trained us to eventually over-populate the planet, due to the very same idea that gives us feminism and chivalry. Well that's all for me everyone! Please comment and let me know what you think of the state of all this so far, any compliments or criticisms are welcome and appreciated. 

Busy!

Whoo! Happy New Year everybody! I can't say enough about the year I had last year so I might as well not say anything at all. Thank you to all the old friends who were there for me to have fun or lend me a hand when I needed it. To all of my new friends (there are a lot of you) you are awesome, 'nuff said. Like the title of this post says the past couple weeks have been hectic around these parts. Huis Ten Bosch's highest grossing season is Christmas and New Years and the time in between and shortly after, that is what we were told at least. And sure enough the park lived up to its hype. Some 25,000 people visited the park on NYE and holy cow we were busy. So I apologize for slacking in my upkeep on here, but I'll make it up to you by adding a few extra things today, as well as something new and exciting.

First of all, maybe some of you out there made new year resolutions. I urge you to cut that shit out right now. Hear me out. Its great to have good intentions of self improvement at the start of the year, but in the case of these resolutions, it tend to be more of a forced declaration, rather than actual freedom from your bad habits, which is really what you want to curb, right? Sure it would be great to tone up that saggy butt, or maybe now is the time for you to cut out tobacco or alcohol so you can feel healthier, but are those really the sources for what is causing you the most pain and sorrow?

Say from the first of the year you change your exercise habits. Now you are going to the gym, 3 times a week. After a month you are seeing little results, but you probably feel better, have more energy, and can push yourself a little bit harder in your programs (I am assuming a level of diligence not often given to resolutions). What hasn't changed after a month is how you see yourself in your mind, in other words, how your thoughts change the way you perceive the world around you. Yeah, you are starting to feel good, and have more energy to do things you enjoy, but if the reason you wanted to go to the gym and work on your figure was due to poor body image as opposed to an issue of fitness; all the toned butts and sexy abs in the world won't save you from how you see yourself.

So my challenge to you is this: tell your New Years Resolution to go fuck itself, you may have already done this, in which case, you are ahead of the curve. The next step is to analyze and inventory yourself. The older you are, the harder this gets, but its easy to take baby steps. Take time out of your day to watch yourself from an outsiders perspective, explain yourself to an invisible alien, especially when you feel yourself second guessing what comes next. Ok, yeah, perhaps I am more loony than any of you, but there are really good ways to figure out where stress and pain come from in your life, more often than not its internally based. Of course stress come from outside sources as well, that bear you saw while camping could have ripped your face off, or that time you got into a car accident on the highway was probably really stressful! These are things you can't always control, but worrying about that boy or girl liking you, feeling anxious about money, thinking that you aren't good enough; these have nothing to do with outside influences, but can be sought out consciously and conquered.

O by the way, did I mention that this isn't easy at all? Sorry to leave that bit out. Its true, for some of you, if you commit yourself to finding these things and overcoming yourself in these situations, it might be one of the most difficult things you do in life. But the thing about degrees of difficulty is, the harder you work, the vastness of the reward is exponentially increased. Plus then hitting the gym will actually be worth your time, and you will be able to see the results of your hard work right away.

I'll be posting some videos later that I will attempt to tie in to this idea, and maybe make it a little more clear. that is the big surprise. Look at me with my big mouth, ruining surprises. I'll have to think of something better to give you now!

2 for Tuesday

I kinda fell off the bandwagon of posting almost every day, which I hope didn't bother anyone, of course it hasn't, unless you are from Russia, which seems to be my highest locale of readership. So to all my Russian friends out there, спасибо! Please comment!

Today I'll give you two things, since it was just Christmas, which is all about spending money and giving things to people, these are for you. I didn't spend money making them, but to be honest I'd like to completely boycott all of these corporate holidays in lieu of just being with the people I care about, which happens to be all of you. Here is my attempt at doing just that, sharing a piece of myself, no matter how dark or deep or strange it seems.

This first one is quite dark, I'll admit. Written from a place of uncertainty and despair I truly needed the inspiration to flow for this one, and it shows as the words progress. The feeling is much different at the end than the beginning.

Death waits for this lowly adversary

eating his soul, turning his physical form into cream and dust

what will be left is nothing but what was there before

before the planet was formed, and cooled to allow us life on its face

as this transformation of the reaction takes place more will take his place

they ignore him, cherish him, think of him

not believing the truth that he is them, and among them

they will suffer his fate, some harshly, quickly

others will go slowly and let time ebb and flow as they lose themselves

their passing will be as unforgettable as the previous

and yet it will be lost forever, maybe marked with a stone that will wether

in a few more generations it will be as indistinguishable as its neighbor

escape the trend, become its forebear,

tap the soul that death holds the monopoly on

its wisdom, knowledge, and experience will guide your life

your purpose will save you and you will live forever in timeless harmony

Sometimes I read what I write and think to myself, what the fuck? How could I possibly have come up with that and how did I know it would be so applicable to my life right now. The truth is I didn't, I wasn't thinking about you or me or the future. The only thing I could see was the paper, or in this case, the screen in front of me. 

Next a shorter bit of text, coming after my writing had been stifled for some time due to new experiences happening externally and a long series of abruptly necessary changes. It was intended to return myself back to the path of inspiration and so it did. In the next week or so I'll be showing some of my works that I came up with not long after all of this came out, I hope you will enjoy them. This is not too exciting, but like I saw, it was merely designed to open a door that I had shut temporarily. 

three green turns to second unfamiliar in the ways

unconfident or just overly patient

maybe just complacent

concerned with what?

myself or my thoughts so irrelevant

so irreverent just let go

smile and make yourself one

don't Sink Too Far

 Exercise some caution here. This is written in the thrall of pure inspiration, as was my intention, so it gets kinda hard to follow in certain parts. Give it the openness that it deserves and receive it as you would a child or typhoon.

I'll have wondered as to why I didn't leave you
I let myself be broken into you
my soul, wretched and filthy laid bare unlike any other
the uniqueness of this act trumped by
the fact that you did the same for me
But in our shame we pulled each other in
not allowing ourselves to grow naturally in spontaneous fashion
we choked and poisoned and dragged down
on one another, until the other could no longer draw breath
Smoke clears, the sun can drive clouds and fog away
but what lingered between us when our bodies
wept on the floor was not tears or clear to either
or the power of silence working through our lives
For those long hidden expanses that fill the void created by good and evil
have been brought forth to bear the weight of their sins
For me, it was many, and my tribulations led me
to toil in my despair for many a full moon
But I was able to devour my appetite after more bloodshed
I found myself crying on the floor and picked him up
his face was contorted as he felt the full weight of
the energy he blasted from himself
In facing this demon I learned that I can
and cannot do what I do and that my judgement of the world
is flawed, not because I am flawed, but because
values intrinsically bear many flaws, often ignored.
In your time of struggle you pushed away from the silence,
driving hard into open water, where you soon found
that the same situations can repeat
and that is our doom, but for me it is not so
How can it be that two people who were equally invested
have such a disparaging difference in worth
The truth is simple and lies in what I have discovered
and continue to pursue in my daily devotion
Good and evil will forever be a part of who we are told to be
but these things are far from what is reality
God did not say after making the earth, 'this is good'
he did not see it and know that it was good
he is the ultimate source for the earth and everything on it
and so when he looks at us he doesn't think, 'they are good'
instead when we look at ourselves we think, 'we are god'
and then it is easy to go from there
looking around, one can see that everything is god,
so this notion of good and evil existing becomes obsolete

My Foot

So I may have broken my foot. I'm guessing stress fracture, or perhaps a bad strain, but I lack the medical coverage to get it looked at by a professional. After a night of drinking and doing judo I felt fine, went to work later that day and still felt fine. After working at the English place I offered to close up at the brat shop. As I was getting ready to leave sharp pains in my foot made it almost impossible to walk. I gimped my way to the police box (where we have to turn in our daily sales to be totaled and taxed by the theme park) and then to the train station. Yesterday I was able to move around just fine, but my foot feels quite strange, its the same today, almost a little tender, but not sore at all. I have contemplated buying a cane and becoming very sarcastic, o also a genius medical doctor. Perhaps if the condition worsens and my doctor co-workers choose to cripple me for life instead of letting me die. (/'House' reference) Of course it could be from working too much too hard. I do happen to be sitting in the brat shop, waiting to close at this very second, on my day off! O well.

Escape from This!

In a more turbulent time I came up with this poem. I had turned it into a song at one point (bit of a reggae tune), but I forgot how it went. The meaning is pretty straightforward. I faced many trails at the time, and my expectations led me to believe I had made it through them all. O how wrong I realized I was. However despairing it may seem like these verses are, they represent a turning point, or leveling up of sorts, in my personal struggles, through which  I gained new insight in how to overcome myself and the problems that I faced or created. I hope you enjoy this one; perhaps one day I'll figure out how that song went and post it up on here.

I stand on top of this mountain

So many behind me I have climbed

Expecting to see a clear view 

of beauty in unending time

All that lies ahead now

are steeper taller peaks so high

a warrior i must be

to find my salvation

The path I'm on is wrought with 

deception and so deceit 

Behind me lies the familiar

feelings of fear and terror

Before i now the mystery 

of courage to face my story

While I rest I let my 

anger turn to ire

To be prepared on the road I travel

for what end I still don't know

courage is easier wearing armor

on unsteady ground it weighs me down

wrapping myself in it sounds so nice

cuz the world round me seems cold as ice

 if i perceive with my ego

then I must to let them all go

on this path I cannot stray

no matter what it is reality

my intent shapes the world

my eyes see through my lies