2 for Tuesday

I kinda fell off the bandwagon of posting almost every day, which I hope didn't bother anyone, of course it hasn't, unless you are from Russia, which seems to be my highest locale of readership. So to all my Russian friends out there, спасибо! Please comment!

Today I'll give you two things, since it was just Christmas, which is all about spending money and giving things to people, these are for you. I didn't spend money making them, but to be honest I'd like to completely boycott all of these corporate holidays in lieu of just being with the people I care about, which happens to be all of you. Here is my attempt at doing just that, sharing a piece of myself, no matter how dark or deep or strange it seems.

This first one is quite dark, I'll admit. Written from a place of uncertainty and despair I truly needed the inspiration to flow for this one, and it shows as the words progress. The feeling is much different at the end than the beginning.

Death waits for this lowly adversary

eating his soul, turning his physical form into cream and dust

what will be left is nothing but what was there before

before the planet was formed, and cooled to allow us life on its face

as this transformation of the reaction takes place more will take his place

they ignore him, cherish him, think of him

not believing the truth that he is them, and among them

they will suffer his fate, some harshly, quickly

others will go slowly and let time ebb and flow as they lose themselves

their passing will be as unforgettable as the previous

and yet it will be lost forever, maybe marked with a stone that will wether

in a few more generations it will be as indistinguishable as its neighbor

escape the trend, become its forebear,

tap the soul that death holds the monopoly on

its wisdom, knowledge, and experience will guide your life

your purpose will save you and you will live forever in timeless harmony

Sometimes I read what I write and think to myself, what the fuck? How could I possibly have come up with that and how did I know it would be so applicable to my life right now. The truth is I didn't, I wasn't thinking about you or me or the future. The only thing I could see was the paper, or in this case, the screen in front of me. 

Next a shorter bit of text, coming after my writing had been stifled for some time due to new experiences happening externally and a long series of abruptly necessary changes. It was intended to return myself back to the path of inspiration and so it did. In the next week or so I'll be showing some of my works that I came up with not long after all of this came out, I hope you will enjoy them. This is not too exciting, but like I saw, it was merely designed to open a door that I had shut temporarily. 

three green turns to second unfamiliar in the ways

unconfident or just overly patient

maybe just complacent

concerned with what?

myself or my thoughts so irrelevant

so irreverent just let go

smile and make yourself one

don't Sink Too Far

 Exercise some caution here. This is written in the thrall of pure inspiration, as was my intention, so it gets kinda hard to follow in certain parts. Give it the openness that it deserves and receive it as you would a child or typhoon.

I'll have wondered as to why I didn't leave you
I let myself be broken into you
my soul, wretched and filthy laid bare unlike any other
the uniqueness of this act trumped by
the fact that you did the same for me
But in our shame we pulled each other in
not allowing ourselves to grow naturally in spontaneous fashion
we choked and poisoned and dragged down
on one another, until the other could no longer draw breath
Smoke clears, the sun can drive clouds and fog away
but what lingered between us when our bodies
wept on the floor was not tears or clear to either
or the power of silence working through our lives
For those long hidden expanses that fill the void created by good and evil
have been brought forth to bear the weight of their sins
For me, it was many, and my tribulations led me
to toil in my despair for many a full moon
But I was able to devour my appetite after more bloodshed
I found myself crying on the floor and picked him up
his face was contorted as he felt the full weight of
the energy he blasted from himself
In facing this demon I learned that I can
and cannot do what I do and that my judgement of the world
is flawed, not because I am flawed, but because
values intrinsically bear many flaws, often ignored.
In your time of struggle you pushed away from the silence,
driving hard into open water, where you soon found
that the same situations can repeat
and that is our doom, but for me it is not so
How can it be that two people who were equally invested
have such a disparaging difference in worth
The truth is simple and lies in what I have discovered
and continue to pursue in my daily devotion
Good and evil will forever be a part of who we are told to be
but these things are far from what is reality
God did not say after making the earth, 'this is good'
he did not see it and know that it was good
he is the ultimate source for the earth and everything on it
and so when he looks at us he doesn't think, 'they are good'
instead when we look at ourselves we think, 'we are god'
and then it is easy to go from there
looking around, one can see that everything is god,
so this notion of good and evil existing becomes obsolete

My Foot

So I may have broken my foot. I'm guessing stress fracture, or perhaps a bad strain, but I lack the medical coverage to get it looked at by a professional. After a night of drinking and doing judo I felt fine, went to work later that day and still felt fine. After working at the English place I offered to close up at the brat shop. As I was getting ready to leave sharp pains in my foot made it almost impossible to walk. I gimped my way to the police box (where we have to turn in our daily sales to be totaled and taxed by the theme park) and then to the train station. Yesterday I was able to move around just fine, but my foot feels quite strange, its the same today, almost a little tender, but not sore at all. I have contemplated buying a cane and becoming very sarcastic, o also a genius medical doctor. Perhaps if the condition worsens and my doctor co-workers choose to cripple me for life instead of letting me die. (/'House' reference) Of course it could be from working too much too hard. I do happen to be sitting in the brat shop, waiting to close at this very second, on my day off! O well.

Escape from This!

In a more turbulent time I came up with this poem. I had turned it into a song at one point (bit of a reggae tune), but I forgot how it went. The meaning is pretty straightforward. I faced many trails at the time, and my expectations led me to believe I had made it through them all. O how wrong I realized I was. However despairing it may seem like these verses are, they represent a turning point, or leveling up of sorts, in my personal struggles, through which  I gained new insight in how to overcome myself and the problems that I faced or created. I hope you enjoy this one; perhaps one day I'll figure out how that song went and post it up on here.

I stand on top of this mountain

So many behind me I have climbed

Expecting to see a clear view 

of beauty in unending time

All that lies ahead now

are steeper taller peaks so high

a warrior i must be

to find my salvation

The path I'm on is wrought with 

deception and so deceit 

Behind me lies the familiar

feelings of fear and terror

Before i now the mystery 

of courage to face my story

While I rest I let my 

anger turn to ire

To be prepared on the road I travel

for what end I still don't know

courage is easier wearing armor

on unsteady ground it weighs me down

wrapping myself in it sounds so nice

cuz the world round me seems cold as ice

 if i perceive with my ego

then I must to let them all go

on this path I cannot stray

no matter what it is reality

my intent shapes the world

my eyes see through my lies

First Post

There have been a few calls for me to begin releasing information in blog form. Information about my life, about my thoughts, and about the world that I have experienced in general. I have no intention on becoming a blogging success, but for those who are interested, here goes nothing. 

I intend to make this my outlet for writing creativity. I have aspirations to write for fun, but I want to do so well and the only way to improve is to continue doing it. With the pressure of releasing new material for readers I will have the motivation to produce and create novel ideas and works that may or may not be inspired. 

My writing will include, but not be limited to: short stories, small portions/chapters of larger novels, verse/poetry, personal stories and thoughts, political opinion, and so on. Basically whatever I feel like writing about, so probably women, drugs and video games (possibly in that order). 

I am not a writer by profession. My experience with writing is limited to only writing for personal enjoyment. While I would love nothing better than to sit around and write all the time, I am not at that point in my life yet. I have a lot of things already finished, which over the next week or so I'll begin to publish a few things on here to get some feedback and I'll continue making more as time passes of course.

This is all for now. Please keep an eye out- I'll be back soon.